Intersectionality vs. Being Human

I read yet another screed on intersectionality in feminism that both made sense and irritated me. There is this assumption in a lot of the talk about intersectionality in feminism (which I don' see cropping up in conversations about racism, it's only the women who leave things out, I guess) that individual feminists should talk about the issues of all women whenever they talk about feminism. White feminists talk about the things that affect white women. Cis women talk about what affects them. Straight women are all about talking about dating issues in heterosexual couples. Western women talk about being a woman in America or Europe. And of course they do, because that is what they are, that is their experience. A black cis hetero man still experiences racism and still has things to complain about. A white cis hetero woman, likewise, has issues. Privilege doesn't even out oppression.

I get the complaint that most articles and talking about feminism is coming from a straight, cis, white, western perspective. I get that annoyance that they are the ones getting the big writing deals and having their voices and concerns heard. I get that they sometimes - or even usually - don't acknowledge other types of women, much less talk about the issues facing them. I get it, I really do, because there is something I've left out, maybe two, three, or more somethings. Two because being obese isn't seen as a 'real' disability and three or more because I don't remember every piece of identity all the time either.

One of the things feminist articles - especially those regarding the issue of dating or men hitting on women - is that all women are thin. When a fat woman pokes her head up and says "I wouldn't mind being hit on every now and then", she's told that she really wouldn't. And like clockwork, she backs down in the face of all of the thin/normal sized women's stories of creepy guys not leaving them alone. But as a fat woman, I can say that I don't mind being hit on now and then because it happens a lot more rarely than that. I've had people call out to me on the street. In New Orleans in March, a guy a block away started swinging his arms. When I got closer, he indicated that he wanted a hug. I shook my head and smiled, but I didn't feel creeped out at all. Being bigger than the average male - same average height, more average weight - I am not really afraid of them. In fact, I actually do feel flattered when people call out to me on the street, and I don't give a shit if the guy intended it that way or not. It is my feeling to have.

But I would never begrudge a thin, normal sized woman her feelings about those situations either. I think their experiences are important to understand and those issues are important to talk about. Sure, I'd like to read more about how fat women experience sexism (and without the concern trolling about our health, please). Intersectionality is important, but I can't stand the comments about how this article or that article didn't touch on this type of person or that type of person and therefore their feminism is oppressive, unwelcoming, racist, homophobic, anti-trans, and everything else. Nothing can be everything, so take it for what it is and write your own article that does talk about those kind of people.

Who Gets to Talk to the Imaginary Friend?

Everyone is pissed off about Rick Warren. Well, at least everyone with a basic understanding of discrimination, hate speech, and human rights. A guy on the Jim Lehrer News Hour compared Warren's appearance before the innaguration and a more liberal preacher giving the Benediction later with having an anti-semite in Warren's place and expecting to smooth it over by having a rabbi speak at the end.

But people HATE comparisons like that when talking about anything relating to gender and breaking outdated roles built for XX or XY people. Comparing gay people with Jews? How can you compare homophobia with the Holocaust? Oh... wait... homosexuals were rounded up then too...

Homosexual people and women who want to control when and how often they will or won't become pregnant are still expected to take this as "tolerance". When someone's politics don't directly affect my life, then I will tolerate them. However this guy wants to tell me how to live and interfere with my ability to be a productive and happy citizen, so sorry, no tolerance here.

8:30pm Update: As bad as this is, it is five minutes. The more we focus on this, the less we focus on the new regulation to make it more complicated and, in some places, impossible for people to get abortions, emergency contraception, normal birth control methods, or really make any decisions about one's own body without some doctor, pharmacist, nurse, assistant, or janitor slut-shaming and denying what could be a life-saving service. Even a month of that is enough to fuck up a lot of people. In my case, I get to spend my vacation grilling prospective pharmacies about whether or not they will fill my prescriptions, saying nothing about finding doctors. (my new and better insurance kicks in on January 1 - so long, Kaiser!) Hooray for stress that I don't need.

There Were NO 'No on 8' Offices in My Area Code

In response to the victory of hate, figuring out just where the fuck we went wrong, in response to this, a comment on a Pandagon post that I needed to share with other people, here is my observation: I was at SF Pride, bawling my eyes out because I just happened to see two men get married. The happiness in me (and some booze) was that great. I saw the “vote no on the marriage ban” at that time. In the interim, I slowly saw this thing gain ground. Seeing a commercial on TV at the gym once, then a sign here and there (I remember the first time I saw that yellow sign, it was so foreign that I said to myself, “what is 8? why should I vote for it?” before I connected it with that thing that I didn’t think any decent person could support), then last week, it exploded.

Sunday night, I saw signs popping up in the middle of the night. I checked to find my local No on 8 office, and the closest I could get was Berkeley or Oakland. There were no offices with numbers from my area code (925). Monday morning, I made the mistake of taking the road to the highway to get to work and found myself in what I call “The Gauntlet of Hate”. Yes on 8 signs three feet apart for MILES, people guarding them, then there were the people WITH the signs. My rage was palpable, and the only thing I could do was give dirty looks and the finger. One of the people with signs looked sad when we made eye contact. That was my solace.

How could so many people be so arrogant?

I had sent a message to the No on 8 campaign the night before, asking for assistance, giving them my daytime phone number. I did not get a call back on Monday. I do not know how overworked or staffed the office was. I had been wanting a sign against 8 for my car for months, but the closest I got was a bumper sticker that I had wanted to tape inside my car, but I got effing lazy. I finally got my sign, found on the ground at UC Berkeley on Tuesday night, but it was too late. One person that saw me holding it that night approached me to give me the sad news. I already knew and just wanted to enjoy the return of rational US government to our planet, so I was more discrete with the sign, so as to avoid mourning for now. But I still wanted my sign, if only as a way to remind myself and everyone else that no, I was not a bigot.

Last night, some of my friends went to the SF protest and came back with a sign. I remarked at how badly I had wanted one but hadn’t gotten one until now. My friend said the same thing. We are all guilty in some way for this loss. We’re doing the same thing that Republicans are now doing about McCain. Only, instead of infighting and blaming those that didn’t vote with us, we need to figure out how to dispel the myths around Prop 8. Anyone that listens to KQED (or other CA NPR, probably) has heard that man who said that he supported gay people and their right to marry, but stopped short at it “being taught in the schools”, and that was why “of course” he voted yes on 8.

In other words, undoubtedly, many of those 52% that voted yes that did so because of the outright LIES told by the Prop 8 supporters. We needed to dispel these lies even more vigorously (myself included, don’t think I’m not as pissed at myself as anyone else) - no, we STILL need to. We need to remind people that this is a civil rights issue, and just like those people that protested school desegregation, the Yes on 8 crowd will find itself on the wrong and embarrassing side of history.

Stonewall

39 years ago today, in New York City, there was a spark that started it all. Sure, there had been activists before, bringing people together and shedding light on the subject. However, it wasn't until that last raid at the Stonewall Inn in the early morning hours that the forces brewing in America burst onto the stage.

But LGBT rights are not my fight, I know that. I am not in danger of losing my job, my family, my friends because of the person that I love. Furthermore, I can be assured that when I marry, I will be able to visit my spouse in the hospital, extend my health insurance to him (or vice versa), and be allowed all of the other rights that married couples receive in America. So really, there is no need for me to care. My stake in gay rights is second hand, but as MLK once said, "a threat to justice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

But really, my stake in LGBT rights goes beyond just my desire to see all people treated with dignity and respect. The struggle for LGBT rights and the visibility of non-heterosexual people and couples throws a wrench into gender norms and male-female relationships. They show the world that manhood and womanhood are not predicated on their relationship with eachother, but on their own merit. A man is not a man because he controls a woman that has "his" children, and a woman is not worthless if she does not marry [or devote her life to the church]. LGBT rights affirms the humanity of us all. Tomorrow, I will be proudly attending the San Francisco Gay Pride events, LGBT Rights=Human Rights.

Happiness

As I ate my egg whites on toast, I heard the news from San Francisco City Hall this morning about all of the people getting married. My own issues were a million miles away and I smiled and couldn't help from dancing a little bit. This must have been the way we felt in 1920 at the passage of the 19th amendment, or when the civil rights bill was signed, Title IX, not to mention Brown v. Board of Education, Roe v. Wade, and Lawrence v. Texas.