To Do

I am gaining weight
Take me off the stimulants
Take me off the drugs
There is nothing to do
But eat

Feel the salty, sweet, fatty, juicy goodness
It stimulates my senses
Lets me forget
The hate
The madness
My overwhelming weight
The silence of anonymity
Of reading popular things
Critically acclaimed, famous, adored things
And seeing all the flaws

I go for a walk
To the market
For what? To shop
To buy, to look, to talk
To eat

I can get on the train
Head to Chinatown
For what? To shop
To buy, to look, and probably not talk
To eat

What is there to do?
But consume
Food, drugs, goods
To talk, about what?
I've said so much
To make, to write, to build
But my back hurts, and my neck is stiff
More than that, no one cares
My own life feels cliche
Those who need to hear, won't.
Can't
They will sit, stand, and take me down
They will tell me, with legitimate concern
"You don't want to be in that part of town"

What to do today
Two walks
Cats soothed
An errand run
A show watched
What to do today
But eat?
Drown out the crushing boredom
It is too soon to sleep

---

Written while overlooking the Ashby Flea Market at this time. Afterwards, I went for a walk around, through parts of Oakland. Saw people settled in to sleep the night away, on the streets, waved to people, and had some little dogs excited to see me. I got back home, safe and sound, and feeling a little bit better.