Waiting for Something Big

I'm just a single person with an occasional double-digit view count. This blog isn't indexed by the search engines and I rarely link to anything. Yet I still have this blog where I air views and feelings that might be best kept private. It's a way of putting things out there in a literal sense without being as out there as I could be. It's like going into a lonely alley at 5am and giving a speech. Maybe a homeless person or early-morning commuter will hear a line or two, but they won't actually care.

I've been quiet about this opinion because it's wrong to have it and the consequences of getting what I want are bad for a lot of people, even for me. But goddamnit if I don't want the United States to go over the fucking cliff right now. We keep getting right to the edge, then get pulled back a few inches, only to start going toward it again. We never have the a-ha moment we need, we never "get it", we never realize that the stupid actions that half of our country does is causing this calamity because mommy keeps saving us from ourselves.

I'm tired of it, I'm so fucking tired of it at this point. We need shocking because prodding isn't working. The corporate media structure needs to be dismantled, we need universal healthcare, we need to stop spending so much on the war machine, we need a higher minimum wage and unions for service workers, we need to raise the capital gains tax and taxes on the highest marginal incomes, and we can't get there because the decision makers think everything is "okay" the way it is. So let's just do it and get it over with. Keep the government shut down, default on our debts, crash the fucking stock market. Let's burn this motherfucker down so we can get some real change going on here.

But I hate myself for saying this, and I hate myself for thinking this. I know that the loss to my measly 401k is nothing compared to the losses others will face. I'm not talking about losses faced by millionaires and billionaires - they won't go hungry or homeless - but I do care about the 95-98-99% of us who will still take a massive hit. I worry about the people who will go hungry and be homeless when the economy crashes. Collateral damage is ugly, but in my most honest of opinions, I think it is the only way out of this mess.

Let's hope I am wrong.

The World is a Strange, Ugly, Horrible, Beautiful, Scary Place

I'm not sure what I can do now. There are so many things happening around me right now, so many horrible things going down and so many misconceptions right next to me that I'm lost. I have an opportunity to share the things I've learned with people who need to know them, but I'm suddenly afraid.

The conversations I have online and with my friends come from a place of mutual understanding. We take it as a given that all people are born with rights, with dignity and the possibility to succeed, but they are born into circumstances that might stop them before they start. The circumstances might stop them before they are even born. I know that I'm where I am because of the privilege of my skin and my place of birth, not just because I'm smart and work hard. I was allowed to be smart, and people noticed my work, and now they reward it. There are many more people like me that aren't where I am now.

I see the future and it looks like the past, but which past? I'm afraid of re-living dark days, afraid of shanty towns in my own country, people suffering needlessly. I'm within the top 10% of earners in this country, but I can barely imagine living on less at this point. How do the rest of us do it?

All my hopes are pinned on 2014 right now - Republicans are so far past the light that they think they can read in the dark. I've got money to shield me now, but it is little solace. I can't pretend the world is alright just because I am. I was raised a hell of a lot better than that.

I'm Not Alone

I was raised on America, the land of the free, the home of the brave, where anyone - even you - could be President. Democracy meant we all had a voice, and history laid out triumphs of the powerless against the powered. The African American experience engrossed me as a teenager, and we read about the struggles our ancestors had to go through to get us the things we took for granted. I remembered my education teaching me a good sense of respect for my ancestors' struggles and a proper understanding of corporate interests.

We all react to and retain information differently, but every year, for a few years at least, at least 100 8th Graders in my school saw Glory (with Denzel Washington & Matthew Broderick, I think) in History class. Everyone with the same teacher for our 10th grade social studies watched another movie about the origin of a labor union, staring Sally Field. In 7th grade English, we watched a movie about a teenage black boy who suddenly finds himself thrown back in time, to the antebellum southern America. I know from my Facebook page that many of the people that I grew up around must have learned something similar. And Occupy Wall Street looks like people my age.

This is our generation in action. We are watching our parents and grandparents claim that the Social Security that saved the elderly of The Depression from starvation and the Medicare that lets them go to the doctor when necessary is good for them, but we can forget about it. I know I'm not the only one that wants the same retirement that the last few generations got. We will not be content with this obvious concentration of wealth, and we will not let our parents and grandparents take a giant dump on our future. I do get the sense that we are not embracing this generational concept, in part because these movements are being attended by the parents and grandparents who get it, but also because it is hard to think we're rebelling as we fight the battles that we thought our great grandparents already won.

Nothing Not to Like

After a nice dinner at the Green Papaya, we saw this:

I may swing by after hiking to see if I really can earn $20 AND protest with kitties. I guess my participation will depend on what they are protesting.

In Light of Detroit's Bailout

I present to you Design for Dreaming, a promotional movie by GM about its vision for "the future".

Oh, I forgot to mention that this is from the MST3k episode 524, 12 to the Moon.

Phew, Money

I got my statement in my mailbox last week, which was good. I noticed the check was slightly higher this month, and a co-worker in the office next to mine had the same experience. But the statement comes earlier than the direct deposit, and I had paid a higher portion of my student loans last month. I also took a much needed shopping spree last week for work clothes. On top of that, at any moment, my rent check could clear, leaving me with far less money than I normally have - in that account anyway. It was getting so bad that I was actually budgeting myself - I had to turn down an opportunity to pay a group happy hour bill and get the cash on Thursday.

But then, I checked my account on Friday, and my checking account was a wonderfully comfortable amount. Phew, awesome, I got paid. What a load off my mind - I didn't have to worry about the rent check, I could go buy a bunch of supplies for my newest project, and I'd be able to pay a bunch of bills for the month. I think I'm also going to start buying supplies to get a pet - and no, its not what you think... Ok, one of you might know what I'm thinking about, but don't blow the suspense for everyone.

Putting the Stimulus to Good Use

I thought the "Stimulus Package" was a dumb idea as soon as I heard of it. "Throw a bunch of money at low to middle class Americans, they'll go out and buy some crap and save the world" - yeah right....

I mean, even if I got the highest amount possible, it isn't enough to really affect my spending habits. I mean, sure, I could use it to offset the cost of my trip to Alaska, or my addictions to World Market and Whole Foods, but really, $600? My rent is more than twice that.

But I knew the money was coming my way anyway, so for months now, I've been trying to figure out what I could do with the money. I wasn't about to play their game of bribery with the American public, but I didn't want to let the money go to waste. That made both spending and saving the money out of the question. I thought about just not cashing the check, but that was throwing the money away. The best I could think of was donating it to charity.

The only problem with that is it feeds into the whole "private charities can do better work than government programs" which is only true when we underfund those government programs, like we do now. Then it hit me - give the money to one of the hundreds of underfunded government programs! Finally, and just in time too, the checks are arriving this week. I still think the stimulus package is a bunch of bullshit, but at least I'll know that those tax dollars were well spent.

Note: Bear in mind, that this is my situation. Most people that don't need the money won't be getting any anyway, I just make the cut. I just wanted to share my idea.