Internet and Human Connection

If I was attending this conference 20 years ago, I wouldn't be able to do work from my hotel room. I doubt that I would have felt much like socializing with people at the conference either. The things I do are very removed from the day to day needs of people in my field. I'm grasping for insights at every event, and gathering some. I have no idea how I can interact with anyone, and I didn't come to the conference with anyone. One attempt was met with awkwardness, and I'm over taking the risk of greeting random strangers just to offend them.

So if this was 20 years ago, I probably would have felt the same way and retreated to my hotel room. I would not have been able to get some work done from there, which is one benefit. But I also would not have been able to log onto facebook and see updates and comments from people that I like.

I think of things like this when people lament that our means of connecting are making us more disconnected. Actually, I usually think of laying a giant F bomb on them for saying that. I refuse to be nostalgic for an inferior time.

Success Outside the Cult

I think it is depression that is preventing me from seeing any reason to do anything. But I also see a lot of inefficiencies in what people do. I understand that religion is a myth, that there is a limit to the stuff one can buy, that renting isn't a worse financial investment than buying a house, that processed foods aren't worth the stuff they're packaged in, that lower taxes on wealthy individuals and corporations hurt society, and that the only way to make a living in a society like this is to drink the kool-aid.

It's frustrating and depressing. What good is knowing all this stuff if I end up unemployed, with no access to health care?

I Wish

I wish I could just be honest, with everyone. I'm not bad, I wish no ill on people, and there is nothing wrong with anything I have done. I barely have the will to kill the tiny ants in my bathroom right now. I wish I could tell them what I want to do, and how I want to contribute.

I wish everyone could calm down. I wish they could let go of their silly hangups. I wish everyone, like me, could focus on what is truly important. I wish they could find the truth, I wish they all could be smarter than me. I wish I was the dummy in the room, instead of the one who can see through it all. I wish people could resist the urge to drink that soda, or buy that stuff they saw on the commercial, or go to that bland chain restaurant.

I wish I could pull down this house of cards, redistribute the wealth, pay farmers, teachers, and careworkers what they really deserve. I wish that all the blowhards would just fade away, and let me work a 5 hour day, from home. I wish they would reduce their expectations - the computer can't read their mind.

I wish all the rich folk would move out of their over-sized mansions in the countryside and come back into the nice houses in my neighborhood. I wish we could all realize that nothing is ever like it used to be, that how it used to be isn't how it always was, and fighting change is a losing game.

I wish I wish I wish that I never had to watch 24-hour news channels again. I wish people in Texas would realize that they don't need to eat that much. I wish that the farmers on land that needs to be irrigated understood the path that they are on. I wish everyone knew as much as me.

I wish that wishes came true, I wish the genie wasn't just a myth. I wish I may, I wish I might have this wish I wish tonight.

Episodes of the Reality Resistant

Say, the best way to lower abortions is to increase access to contraception, and improve sex education? Studies prove this, and families that preach abstinence include pregnant teenage girls?

Why, slash sex-ed funding and make it really hard to access contraception, then make abortion illegal, that will SOLVE EVERYTHING!

What makes people this stupid? They have to get up, get dressed, and eat every morning - or maybe they don't.

Maybe they get up, get dressed, and have a cup of coffee for breakfast, thinking that skipping breakfast will help them lose weight. Then they act like entitled asses all morning, and go out to lunch with their idiotic buddies to talk about a bunch of stupid crap in their lives.

Charities actually find your donations of canned goods to be annoying, and have for a very long time. They've only told you this recently because they finally overcame the human nature to "say something nice, or say nothing at all", but all the canned hominy and old spam that you gave actually went to waste.

But we've done the can drive for 40 years now, and it helps the kids to think of those that are less fortunate! I see no reason to stop now, besides, those charities will just waste the money anyway.

Does it even matter to these people that they are wrong? How on earth do they sleep at night? Do they even retain the knowledge that they are so ineffably stupid?

Sure, they come back from lunch with food in their bellies, but they're unaware that they missed a great presentation from a foreign policy institute on the impact of sanctions on Iran. Your average conservotard spends the rest of the day busing about like mad, unable to say no to anyone and ensure that there is enough time to finish the tasks at hand. When there is a lull, random research is done, and snide remarks are made about the biggest hurricane, ever, "slowing to a trickle".

I take minerals and vitamins to help my immune system, but the person that I live with got sick last week. While I'm not as sick as he was, I'm still pretty out of it. Slightly delusional, unable to concentrate well, and nervous about getting other people sick

Well, you were still able to write this blog post, you should be able to do your job.

Oh, for &%$*'s sake, thank goodness management isn't that stupid.

Unhinged, October 12

I want to post something this week, before the Sunday Football post, but I have been a bit overwhelmed with work. Which leads me to the point of this post. The United States is going crazy right now, you may have noticed. A bunch of astrologers are saying "Mercury is in retrograde", which is less significant than the fact that 20+ years of conservative/reactionary propaganda have wrapped up a generation of people - mostly white men - in a frothing rage. At the same time, decades of acceptance, racial tolerance, and women acting like human beings, instead of brooding mares, have created a generation of people who can see the other group for who they are - who they always have been.

In short, the latter generation is on the move, having a good time, and being productive (when they're not trying to drown out the former generation with substance [ab]use). The former generation is getting older, smaller, and angrier. They're frothing at the mouth now, maybe they always have been. The problem is that the latter generation is getting wiser and wiser to them, and getting more and more clout with the mainstream, and is increasingly able to stand up to the former.

My perspective, of course, will always be skewed by the enormous amount of information that my brain holds, and can recall quickly. Having overcome my addiction, and survived a resetting brain injury, and all of the ramifications of the behavioral consequences, I can see the world in striking clarity - from 40,000 feet in the sky, to the bottom of the ocean, and all points in between. It creeps me out, but it also puts me at ease. Things catch me off guard, but few things truly surprise me. For instance, there was a person in my life that I considered a friend, but he turned on me, and now, he is trying to stoke my paranoia. Instead of succumb to this, dwell in my own rage, and even quit, I decided to use the tools provided, and am rising like a phoenix.

I hope the same can be true of my generation, raised on equality, honesty, and acceptance. We need to keep pushing forward, and maybe, that generation steeped in resentment, anger, and entitlement will wise up. Sadly, I think most of them will just die out, clinging fiercely onto their anger. A sad legacy for those born after such a joyous victory.

Working Myself Up

I can totally see certain parts of the US unravel, especially as other parts of the US get better. I thought that I could be above it all, but now, it is getting to me. I've started to get worried, and I'm talking too much. I'm feeling the tension around me at work, and my own paranoia is being actively stoked by at least one person.

Things keep racing through my mind today, and every day, and I know exactly why. I feel a petulance coming on, and the only things that can stop it are mostly unavailable.

Counter Commute

Last week, Amanda had a post on commuting, happiness, and how it relates to our current American political climate. The comment thread got too long for me to be able to read, because I have my own story that basically proves the point of the article.

• I commute 45 minutes to work one way, driving.
  
• I used to have a 3 mile, 10 minute commute before I moved here.
• I am much happier now than I was before I moved.

But wait, you say, that's the counter point? Oh, silly me, here is what makes me different.

• I often find driving at freeway speeds to be therapeutic, giving me time to sort out thoughts and practice explaining myself and my ideas.
• I live in a urban/semi-urban residential area, 3.5 blocks from a BART station. I routinely leave my car unused for entire weekends and spend the weekends with friends, shopping along Telegraph, seeing movies, planning events, and having engaging, intelligent, and fun conversations. My apartment here is not in some estate, it is one of 7 units in a building with character. I enjoy spending time by myself at home, and like making the place look good.
  
• The traffic congestion in the Bay Area is always in the opposite direction of the direction I am going [with the exception of random accidents -- 3 in 8 months].
• I work in a suburban area with strip malls, manicured lawns, and multi-million dollar homes. When I lived there, I could not walk anywhere that I wanted to be. I sometimes spent my weekends in Berkeley or San Francisco, but it required a lot of preparation and I was far from home. Other weekends were spent inside my apartment, completely alone and bored just because I didn't want to drive anywhere, even at freeway speeds. And my apartment was a stifling place, with beige carpets, oversized rooms, and no character. In short, I hated the place, and I had no desire to keep it looking nice, ever.

Not only do I not sit in traffic while I commute, I live in a real community area, validating Amanda's point about the factors that do influence happiness.

Vindicated by "Several Studies"

I was about to title this post "Exactly What I've Been [fucking] Saying [you goddamn idiots] because I get rather tired of fighting the "hard wired into our biology" vs. "there is shit we can actually DO to prevent and change this" and yes, the importance of time of year in our development arguments to people that refuse to admit that ::gasp:: present evidence just might be overlooking some factors that will probably be proven later on. Guess what, readers, I keep seeing new information to validate my side of the argument.

I should let you on to the fact that I have been to the dentist, work, doctor, and pharmacist today. At the dentist, I wasn't prepared to have half my face numbed, so my day started out stressful. I didn't want to go into work, but my boss needed something urgently, which caused a great deal of anger that didn't really dissipate for a few hours after I finished the assignment. The doctor was ok, but I had to fill in my "gender" on the intake, which I crossed off and wrote sex. Sometimes, I wish that I never knew that gender wasn't necessarily biological, or I wish that I had more patience when other people keep doing and saying things that I have realized just don't make sense/aren't true, but I don't. Then, at the pharmacist, I discovered how great our health care system is another time. Apparently, corporate bureaucrats know better than my doctor and have determined that I can only have 1 of my prescribed 2 pills per day. Don't we live in a great country. My only respite so far was the article I linked, which refreshingly referred to a generic human without the male pronoun.

And so, I end my ranty post, and oh yeah, I doubt you're the idiots to which I refer. You might be, but you are probably aware that I already think you're an idiot. I'm stressed and therefore more abrasive.

Pop Quiz!

A friend calls you at home one evening. She tells you that she received a chain letter email on a topic that both of you are very interested in and she forwarded it to your work email address.

Your friend asks you to read the email when you return to work, and to please forward the email to ten other people to help keep the email chain growing.

What should you do?

1. Run to work, open the email, and forward it to ten people because, like your friend, you too are a complete idiot.
2. Find out what the message is about, read it the next day, then forward it to your mom and your brother cuz they would find it interesting too.
3. Hang up the phone and defriend the person immediately, you don't need anyone that stupid in your social network.
4. Tell your friend that you would rather have her send this to your personal email address and also that you check your email constantly, so there is no need to call you to announce that an email has been sent. Then check the calendar to make sure that you have not gone through a time warp back to the year 1996.

I would probably do number 4, but be very tempted to choose 3.

Al Qaeda Birds

So a plane had to land in the Hudson River today, all 155 people on board were fine, but they probably lost all their stuff.* I hope the business travelers didn't have any unique company records with them!

"There were eyewitness reports the plane may have flown into a flock of birds," said Federal Aviation Administration spokeswoman Laura Brown. "Right now we don't have any indication this was anything other than an accident." - Yahoo News

Yeah right. I bet in a few days, we'll learn that these birds are part of some secret islamo-facist terrorism network.

*I come from a family with hoarding tendencies, I worry about this kind of thing.

Lose More Weight, Have More Sex, Be More Awesome

That is my New Year's Resolution, to be executed with the following plans.

Lose More Weight

• Maintain healthy eating habits like eating a balanced breakfast, making sure I get protien with every meal, avoid that HFCS, eat more fruits and vegetables, and don't binge
• Begin working out again
• Go climbing more often
• Construct a better outdoor activity wardrobe and make more hiking dates

Have More Sex

• Maintain the current plan to increase confidence and don't back down from the predator mode
• Take any and all lessons from the Ghetto Boy
• Make sure I don't lose contact with the Ghetto Boy
• Wait and see if The Hottie wasn't just being a tease
• Tend to the rest of my harem appropriately
• Try another angle for CL ads
• See other parts of the plan

Be More Awesome

• Perfect my footless highway driving
• Create a Britney Pool
• Follow up with all of the projects projected for '09
• Push bosses to create a ticketing systems to charge for small consulting projects
• Follow through on documentary idea (meeting with a friend already scheduled)
• Improve concentration at work

Ugh, Shut Up

Believe me, I know how annoying those ads for my company are. I also know that, while they are accurate, they paint a very rosy picture of what is a fairly typical corporation. I guess you could say that we're ahead of the curve, but we can't get as far ahead as maybe I would like to see us go. But every time that guy with the breathy voice comes on after the Jim Lehrer News Hour, I want to stab someone!

Don't Ride the Line

Like most people that sometimes drive a car, bike riders scare me. Not because they would hurt me, physically, if we collided, but because if I hit them, well, I'll get the book thrown at me. That is why I'm happy that California has lots of designated and spacious bike lanes. But this morning, as I drove to work, I had to drive around a biker that decided that he didn't need to use the interior of the bike lane, but instead had to ride the white line. I understand that sometimes the bike lane itself has a lot of debris, but this was not the case, as far as I could see.

I hate to be "one of those" drivers, but jeez, please don't be "one of those" bikers either. Don't ride the line, stay in your lane.

Phew, Money

I got my statement in my mailbox last week, which was good. I noticed the check was slightly higher this month, and a co-worker in the office next to mine had the same experience. But the statement comes earlier than the direct deposit, and I had paid a higher portion of my student loans last month. I also took a much needed shopping spree last week for work clothes. On top of that, at any moment, my rent check could clear, leaving me with far less money than I normally have - in that account anyway. It was getting so bad that I was actually budgeting myself - I had to turn down an opportunity to pay a group happy hour bill and get the cash on Thursday.

But then, I checked my account on Friday, and my checking account was a wonderfully comfortable amount. Phew, awesome, I got paid. What a load off my mind - I didn't have to worry about the rent check, I could go buy a bunch of supplies for my newest project, and I'd be able to pay a bunch of bills for the month. I think I'm also going to start buying supplies to get a pet - and no, its not what you think... Ok, one of you might know what I'm thinking about, but don't blow the suspense for everyone.

Surprise!

Yesterday, in a meeting with my boss, I learned that I am scheduled to be in Houston on the 11th to deliver a class that my group does. SO after some initial shock and rescheduling a dental appointment, I booked the same flight from Oakland on Tuesday to stay at the same hotel in Houston that night and the same flight out of Houston that I took just last week. I can't say I'm not excited, I love to travel and I love working in the 1500 Louisiana building.

More exciting still, I give the class on the top floor. It's only a 40 story building, not even as tall as the 1200 Smith building across the street.

But its still a marvelous view, if only they would let us go outside to the observation deck. Of course, I know *someone* that would ruin it for us all by base jumping.

Savvy readers might recognize this building. It's the same exact 1500 Louisiana building made famous in 2001. It really makes for better effect in my presentation about records management in the industry when I can say things like "and we all know what happened across the street 6 years ago."

Ever Notice?

So often, it happens in my life that I set out to do something, then something else comes up, and I forget my original intention. This blog post is a great example.

Other times, I realize that I have a question about my day and want to blog about them, but in the process of blogging, I remember the answer. The answer somehow ruins the post so I discard it entirely. Other times, I save the post as a draft for a while. I have at least 10 drafts saved up here, just waiting for refinement before publishing.

But now, I remembered my thought. Why is the 'o' (oh) key so close to the '0' (zero) key? Couldn't they have put the zero over by the one? I'm not yet a touch typist, and there are many times I need to type something like "Fill out the GO-#### paper and get it back to me". But even when I typed that example, I wrote "G)-####". Sure, I could learn how to type better, but it doesn't cover up the design flaw.