My Own Stupid Fears

I heard yesterday morning that Juan Williams had been fired, but I had to go into the office before NPR covered the story. It wasn't until I got home and opened up Pandagon that I learned the basics of what had transpired. Juan indicated that he is fearful of people in "Muslim garb" because he thinks that they are all terrorists. There may be more to the story - that he actually implicated that Muslims are to blame for his fear - but I am not usually the type to look things up.

Officially, I'm deciding not to have an opinion on the events, positive or negative, cuz the guy is going to be financially ok. The events have made me think about the times when I have been nervous when seeing a young brown guy with or without typical Muslim clothing in an airport/plane setting. It's a knee jerk fear that I significantly dislike. The vast majority of brown guys I see are either like me - citizens going about their day - or people from other countries who work here and are also going about their day. I work with brown guys all the time. I've even dated brown guys. One told me a story about the reaction that some of his friends in London got on the subway right after the subway bombing. His friends were just going about their business that day, sitting on the train with their backpacks. They noticed that on one else was sitting near them on the crowded train. There was nothing for anyone to fear - the guys had laptops, work papers, and their lunches in their bags - but the people were nervous anyway, and the guys understood it completely.

Every time I have an episode of fear around a brown guy in an airport, I realize a) that if something were to happen to me, it is going to happen, and being nervous isn't going to change anything, and b) that the guy is just going about his business, just like me.

Of course, there was one episode in my life where I assumed that the guy walking down the street was just going about his business too, then he crossed the street and mugged me. There were other factors at play in that situation, and I saw it as mainly a $35 learning experience. I became a little more paranoid, but that has probably been for the better for me, since I was rather naive. However, I know that most people walking around in my neighborhood are just going home or going to a friends' place, even if for "nefarious" reasons. They don't give a crap about me beyond the five seconds when we are passing on the street.

Fears exist for so many reasons. Mine exist because of being brought up in white America in the late 20th century and picking up on so many negative messages. They are also borne of embarrassing and scary experiences of my own. I force myself to see just how rare those experiences have been, and how the vast majority of the time, the people around me couldn't care less about doing harm to me. It might not be how I feel, but it is a fact. Those feelings are not important to anyone but me.